The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
