I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
