I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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