He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize