My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
