my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He did a backflip because drugs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
