I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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