At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
