All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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