he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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