she woke up with a sticky ear
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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