I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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