Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
