Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
