summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
