i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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