so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
