Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
