Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
