I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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