I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There r osticjed everywhere
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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