Will you blow on my dice?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
