If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
