He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize