Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
