Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
