I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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