I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
