he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize