I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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