Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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