Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
