Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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