he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
