just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
