i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize