Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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