I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
