NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
