I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
