Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
