i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
