I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
