you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize