I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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