Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
