i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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