Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
