So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
