I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He felt like a one man threesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
