Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
