I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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