I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Green mimosas i think yes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
