Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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