She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
