my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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