new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
