I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
