Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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