Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
