if i can run in heels then i can drive
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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