my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
