I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
