just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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