Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
