Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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