I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
