Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
