How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize