It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
