my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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