She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
