chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
