how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
