I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
