Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
