i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Will exercising make me less horny?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
