I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
